Confusion

What did I do? Was it a mistake? Was the other one right? Am I just not coming to terms with what I really want? Who knows? All I know is, I'm in this and I'm going to deal with it. No more running away, no more excuses. I've let myself hang and now I wana get down. This used to be so easy, why did I have to make it so hard? All those choices I made, could I have changed them all? Maybe yes, but probably not, I still blame myself. Will anyone be aware? There are so many things I may have missed. Should I take a minute from my life and remember everything I've done and everything I've been? Another question hangs in the midair. There is an answer and I know it's out there. Will they miss me when I'm gone? Or will the world spin on and on? Let the world roll along, I'll catch up later. Time takes it away. Even if you don't want it to. Time takes it away. Time bears it away. And in the end all that is left is darkness. When you step to the ledge of all the light you have left, and you take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you might believe one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to step upon, or you will learn how to fly.

I once read somewhere, that every day you should do something that scares you. I'm spending most of my time alone, then with the one I love. What can be more scary? I'm just so tired...... I just wana go home. But it seems so far away and I've yet to take the first step towards it. The pain never seems to end.


College is ramping up to get hard now. Almost End of term. Yay... I can't wait for the papers to end, plus who knows what else. I hate the end of a semester. Then we have to go back and start all over again.
Then there's the other decision that I just got to make today. Only one person knows about it and I think I've already made up my mind. I have it so good in that regard, but I still have to hear the details to give it a decent shot. I'm out of my element now, but I'm liking the scary edge I've reached and I think I'm hanging on pretty well. I like the who and the what, but I always think what if?

Well, back to studies... I'm still thinking about you. God only knows what I would be without you.

Remember, if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.