andhera

World is Mine

2006-05-25T11:43:00.000+01:00

I believe in the wonder,
I believe this new life took in,
Like a God that I'm under,
There's drugs running through my veins,
I believe in the wonder,
I believe I can touch the flame,
There's a spell that I'm under,
Got to fly, I don't feel no shame,

The world is mine,
The world is mine,
The world is mine,
The world is mine,

Take a look what you've started,
In the world flashing from your eyes,
And you know that you've got it,
From the thunder you feel inside,
I believe in a feeling,
Of the pain that you left to die,
I believe in the livin'
In life that you give to try,

The world is mine,
The world is mine,
The world is mine,
The world is mine,
The world is mine,

I've lost my fear to what appears,
I do my best,
The world is mine,
You take the price and realise,
That's in your eyes,

The world is mine.

To all of my crackpot friends....

2006-03-31T09:11:00.000+01:00

Someone e-mailed me this, so I will just paste is as it is! It's a nice read........

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them." "For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house." Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

To all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers..... :P

Hmmm

2006-03-05T09:05:00.000Z

Jiss aasray keh liye
Rooh tarapti thee jiss kee
Jiss shama ko
Jala na sakee
Woh ANDEHRA hoon mein

I Wish

2006-02-17T08:05:00.000Z

I wish to give, to take, to make, to check, I wanna see it happen.
I want to see, to be, the one that plays the game without no fears and regrets.
I want to know you, better than I know myself.
I want to feel the end, and enjoy the consequence.

I'm playing the game,
the one that will take me to my end.
I'm waiting for the rain,
to wash who I am.

I want to move, to loose, to take the grooves, and to give it all back.
I want to take the time rewind, and to kick it right from the start,
to be unknown and all alone, lose the kind that are behind,
to start a new play by myself and to give the best I have.

I'm playing the game,
the one that will take me to my end.
I'm waiting for the rain,
to wash who I am.

Are you there by Anathema

2006-02-15T09:33:00.000Z

are you there?
Is it wonderful to know
all the ghosts
all the ghosts
freak my selfish out
my mind is happy
need to learn to let it go
I know you'd do no harm to me
but since you've been gone I've been lost inside
tried and failed as we walked by the riverside
oh I wish you could see the love in her eyes
the best friend that eluded you lost in time
burned alive in the heat of a grieving mind
oh what can I say now?
and it couldn't be more wrong cos there's no one there
unmistekably lost and without a care
oh lost all the love that we could have shared
and it's wearing me down
and it's turning me round
and I can't find a way now to find it out
Where are you when I need you?
Are you there?

Instructions for life........

2006-02-04T09:49:00.000Z

I read that it was the responsibilities of parents not to pave the road for their children, but to proivide a road map. Here are some instructions for life................

- Compliment three people each day.

- Watch a sunrise at least once a year.

- Overtip breakfast waitresses.

- Look people in the eye.

- Say "thank you" a lot.

- Say "please" alot.

- Live beneath your means.

- Treat everyone you meet as you want to be treated.

- Donate two units of blood every year.

- Make new friends but cherish the old ones.

- Keep secrets.

- Don't waste time learning the "tricks of the trade." Instead, learn the trade.

- Admit your mistakes.

- Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.

- Choose a charity in your community and support it generously with your time and money.

- Use credit card only for convenience, never for credit.

- Never cheat.

- Give yourself a year and read the Quran page to page.

- Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly.

- Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all he or she has.

- Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage.

- Never take action when you're angry.

- Have good posture. Enter a room with purpose and confidence.

- Don't discuss business in elevators. You never know who might overhear you.

- Never pay for work before it's completed.

- Be willing to lose a battle in order to win the war.

- Don't gossip.

- Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.

- When facing a difficult task, act as though it is impossible to fail.

- Don't spread yourself too thin. Learn to say no politey and quickly.

- Don't expect life to be fair.

- Never underestimate the power of forgiveness.

- Instead of using the word problem, try substituting the word opportunity.

- Never walk out on a quarrel with your wife.

- Regarding furniture and clothes: if you think you'll be using them five years or longer, buy the best you can afford.

- Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.

- Forget committees. New, noble, world-changing ideas always come from one person working alone.

- Street musicians are a treasure. Stop for a moment and listen; then leave a small donation.

- When faced with a serious health problem get at least three medical opinions.

- Wage war against littering.

- After encountering inferior service, food or products, bring it to the attention of the person in charge. Good managers will appreciate knowing.

- Don't procrastinate. Do what needs doing when it needs to be done.

- Get your priorities straight. No one ever said on his deathbed, "Gee, if I'd only spent more time at the office."

- Don't be afraid to say "I don't know."

- Don't be afraid to say " I'm sorry."

- Make a list of 25 things you want to expericence before you die. Carry it in your wallet and refer to it often.

- Call you mother.

My Heart

2006-02-01T10:43:00.000Z

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestail,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.

I said, 'Is it good, friend?
''It is bitter,' he answered;
'But I like it
Because it is bitter
And because it is my heart.'

What your parents never told you about being a Mom and Dad!

2006-01-17T07:58:00.000Z

Always tell your children as much of the turth as they can understand, if only to establish the most valuable attribute you have as a parent - your credibility.
If you con your three-year-old into believing that the booster shot won't hurt, why should he or she believe your later claims that marijuana, booze and skipping school will?

Oh yes I would

2006-01-13T19:52:00.000Z

Don't grow old!

2005-10-07T21:23:00.000+01:00

Many people are afraid of growing old.
I'm afraid of growing old and boring.
Many people are afraid of growing old, alone.
I'm afraid of growing old, insane.
Many people are afraid of losing their looks.
I'm afraid of losing my dreams.
Many people are afraid of losing their youth.
I'm afraid of losing my soul.
When you're 15, 35 seems ancient.
When you're 35, 15 seems juvenile.
A turnaround in a split second - two decades zoom past and
before you know it, it's only a mile to the next millennium.
Don't fear age,
it's a right of person-hood.
Don't fear death- it's God's greatest jest.
Don't grow old - you don't have to.
Don't date because you're desperate.
Don't marry because you're miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't separate because you think it's fashionable.
Don't drink because you have troubles.
Don't gamble because you think winning is inevitable.
Don't philander because you think you're irresistible.
Most likely, you're not.
Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat.
Don't lie.
Don't pretend.
Don't try to buy your way into the kingdom of God.
Don't dictate because you're smarter.
Don't demand because you're stronger.
Don't sleep around because you think you're old enough and know
better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family or your ideals.
Don't stagnate.
Don't regress.
Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Don't live in the past.
Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
Don't throw you life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your
biological clock is ticking and you can't afford to have your
eggs harvested before the new millennium.
There's always a mad rush to something, somewhere - but victory
does not always belong to those who finish first.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid
for some of life's more hasty decisions.
You can't always go with the throng who could be wrong.
Sometimes, you have to be alone to be enlightened.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong
reasons.
To keep yourself warm, buy a jacket.
In the long run, it will be less complicated and less costly.
To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of
what you can be.
Simplify your life.
Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements - abusive friends, nasty habits
and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities, but don't overdose on duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your
family.
Be true to yourself. Don't commit when you're not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
Fall in love - it's the greatest thing on earth.
But take care and remember, after the fall must come the rise.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you must even at society's scorn.
Write poetry. Love deeply. Walk barefoot. Hold hands.
Dance with wild abandon. Cry at the movies.
Take care of yourself.
Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except you.
It is true that life doesn't get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid.
Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.
Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old.

Just grow up!!!

Confusion

2005-06-05T14:46:00.000+01:00

What did I do? Was it a mistake? Was the other one right? Am I just not coming to terms with what I really want? Who knows? All I know is, I'm in this and I'm going to deal with it. No more running away, no more excuses. I've let myself hang and now I wana get down. This used to be so easy, why did I have to make it so hard? All those choices I made, could I have changed them all? Maybe yes, but probably not, I still blame myself. Will anyone be aware? There are so many things I may have missed. Should I take a minute from my life and remember everything I've done and everything I've been? Another question hangs in the midair. There is an answer and I know it's out there. Will they miss me when I'm gone? Or will the world spin on and on? Let the world roll along, I'll catch up later. Time takes it away. Even if you don't want it to. Time takes it away. Time bears it away. And in the end all that is left is darkness. When you step to the ledge of all the light you have left, and you take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you might believe one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to step upon, or you will learn how to fly.

I once read somewhere, that every day you should do something that scares you. I'm spending most of my time alone, then with the one I love. What can be more scary? I'm just so tired...... I just wana go home. But it seems so far away and I've yet to take the first step towards it. The pain never seems to end.

College is ramping up to get hard now. Almost End of term. Yay... I can't wait for the papers to end, plus who knows what else. I hate the end of a semester. Then we have to go back and start all over again.
Then there's the other decision that I just got to make today. Only one person knows about it and I think I've already made up my mind. I have it so good in that regard, but I still have to hear the details to give it a decent shot. I'm out of my element now, but I'm liking the scary edge I've reached and I think I'm hanging on pretty well. I like the who and the what, but I always think what if?

Well, back to studies... I'm still thinking about you. God only knows what I would be without you.

Remember, if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Storm

2005-06-05T14:40:00.000+01:00

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I could see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right

hmmmmm

2005-05-15T20:52:00.000+01:00

When you step to the ledge of all the light you have left, and you take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you might believe one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to step upon, or you will learn how to fly.

Pass It On

2005-04-24T05:41:00.000+01:00

Here's a list of things passed on from many bloggers. Copy it and put the things you've done in bold and add another thing at the end.

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sunrise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight (food be much delicious and powerful commodity to waste)
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger (ok, an acquaintance, but for all intents and purposes, a stranger)
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath/shower
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench-pressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theatre
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to know about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Sword fought for the honor of a woman.
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Lied
97. (the real 97) Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas.
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night-stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Moulin Rouge
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congressperson
133. Packed up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion, or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of 100mph or faster?
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery.
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: take, landing, during
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for his or her actions
175. Gone back to school (ok, yeah if visiting counts...)
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author whom you missed in school, and read him/ her
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch (tried to anyway)
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you.
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Lost your Best Friend for reasons of death
201: Fallen in love over the internet
202: Sung in a Barbers' Shop Quartet
203: Eaten a live animal
204: Been able to communicate in a language you barely learnt barely three days earlier. (twaday kinnay bacchay hain? :D :D) (ok, not been able to communicate well, but communicate nonetheless!)
205: Memorized words from all Disney movies like Aladdin, Lionking etc; furthmore, dialogues from Friends, Smallville and Star Trek (main bohat faarigh hoon)
206: Be able to relate to every song that you ever listen.
207. Had someone close to you hurt you so bad, SO bad... that it just stopped hurting after a while and literally gave way to numbness in the true sense of it's meaning.
208. Left smoking, only because someone you love said so.

Long time ago....

2005-04-12T23:06:00.000+01:00

I stood with helpless hands and watched me lose your love.
A little more each day, then it was gone.
And I kept wondering just how long until this day would come.
Just how long could your pride keep hangin' on.
So please don't say you're sorry, don't say anything.
Don't try to say why you must leave, just go!
And today might be the day that you walk away.
But remember you left me a long long time ago.
You left me a long long time ago.

Between you and God!

2005-04-11T17:02:00.000+01:00

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.

Choice or Chance

2005-04-11T16:53:00.000+01:00

When we meet the right person to love, when we're at the right
place at the right time, that's chance.

When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice.
That's chance.

Being caught up in a moment (and there are a lot of couples who
get together because of this) is not a choice.
That's also a chance.

The difference is what happens afterwards.
When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-
blowing attraction to the next level?
That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate
whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or
just a fling.

If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not
a chance. That's choice.

When you choose to be with a person, no matter what,
that's choice.

Even if you know there are many people out there who are more
attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you
decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice.

Infatuation, crushes, and attraction come to us by chance.
But true love that lasts is truly a choice.
A choice that we make.

Regarding soulmates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I
believe is so true about this: "Fate brings you together,
but it's still up to you to make it happen."

I believe that soulmates do exist, that there is truly
someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the
choice if you're going to do something about it or not.

We may meet our soulmates by chance, but loving and staying with
our soulmate is still a choice we have to make.

We came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love,
BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly.

BEING TWENTY - SOMETHING

2005-04-11T16:50:00.000+01:00

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you
stop going along with the crowd and start realizing
that there are many things about yourself that you
didn't know and may not like. You start feeling
insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or
two, but then get scared because you barely know where
you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were so
close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have
ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are
some of the most important ones. What you don't
recognize is that they are realizing that too, and
aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that
they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to
what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are
looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to
start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what
others are doing and find yourself judging more than
usual because suddenly you realize that you have
certain boundaries in your life and are constantly
adding things to your list of what is acceptable and
what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the
next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest
force of your life. You feel alone and scared and
confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try
and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon
realize that the past is drifting further and further
away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you
are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you
loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed
and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough
that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love
someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why
you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap.
Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over
and over, and talk with your friends about the same
topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You
worry about loans, money, the future and making a life
for yourself... and while winning the race would be
great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this
relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of
times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Fade away

2005-04-11T16:46:00.000+01:00

Life it seems will fade away
Drifting further everyday
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be Missing one inside of me
Deadly loss this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell i feel
Emptiness is filling me To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me but now, hes gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now i cant think, think why i should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now i will just say goodbye
Goodbye

To tell you...

2005-04-11T08:22:00.000+01:00

Come up to meet you
Tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you...
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start...
Running in circles; coming in tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science; science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

andhera

2005-04-10T05:45:00.000+01:00

Something happened right now, I'm half asleep. Something woke me up. It was the same darkness. It felt like something was lying on top of me. I could not breathe, I could not even call out for help. I screamed but no voice would come out of me, no one could hear me.. That thing would not go away. It was so dark, so dark. I'm scared. I don't know why, but I started saying, "Allah please, Allah please...." and then I saw some light. Then I started saying it out loud. And all of a sudden it went away. At first, I thought it was a dream, but it was no dream. This is not the first time it has happened. But I could feel it, I could feel it breath on top of me and make me helpless. I'm scared, I'm shaking......I don't know how to explain it.

DrugStore

2005-04-08T19:29:00.000+01:00

You seduced me.
Lonely in your hell.
Naked and hungry.
I crawl into your cell.
A virtual drugstore,
is piled on your bed.
I cant resist with your tongue inside my head.

How can everything be justified by you?
You get off watching me bleed...
You get off on feeding my disease.
This time will be perfect, you explain.
but your tounge's as deadly as a needle through my vein.

How can everything be justified by you?
How can my demise be justified by you?

I'm so tired of living for your touch.
I'm so tired of needing you so much.

How can everything be justified by you?
when did I decide to be crucified by you?
How can everything be justified by you?
BY YOU...

6 Questions

2005-04-06T09:05:00.000+01:00

Have you ever been in a relationship so special, so godly, so.. sacred, that you have not wanted to even name it for fear of tarnishing it's beautiful existence... for fear of scaring it away... scaring yourself away?

Have you ever been in such a relationship where a mere word.. a mere premonition.. a mere thought, could stain it and render it irrepairable as if it were made of tissue paper?

One sacreligious movement, one wrong turn can blow away the strongest boulder of faith as if it were no more resistant than a feather, a particle of dust in the wind. What are the words to describe the grievance felt when the second half of that heavenly pair utters that word, senses that premonition, lets that thought cross their mind, without a look your way?

How can you swim ashore when you feel everything inside you drowning under a sea of helplessness, when you feel like the only thing that you ever owned (although, in reality one owns and is god to many things, many many special things...) is slipping from your very fingers?

You can not. As much as this may seem to be a melodramatic description of what the modern world calls a 'break-up', it is not.. read between the lines. It's always about much more then owning and disowning. There is a fine, fine line that distinguishes a sacred bond from a mere connection between two people. A thin thread which when broken, can never be put back together again. You know it's much more serious then that when you don't even feel the urge, the longing to mend that thread.. when solace lies in silently accepting that there is no alternative but to move ahead and let the tide take you wherever it deems appropriate.

And the effect always remains...

How does one explain that to someone who will not understand? How can one justify that one will never be yours the way they once were?

One can not. I can not. You can not.

2005-04-06T03:54:00.000+01:00

It seems like I've been here one thousand times before. One thousand times everyday and I still beg for more. Not far from here I'll find myself, but time is the distance from that feeling. I can't take it. These beatings I give to myself have got to stop, but I need your help. My better half is the half that I hide and I'm trying hard not to let this go. Your words are healing but they're burning me up inside. I'd love to taste, I'd love to feel and share that life. Here I am I think I've said too much again. You're too real and I can't take it. Have we gone too far or maybe not far enough? So many walls in our way and it's not a surprise to me that they're are right in front of me. I see the rest of me and so again I beg for that beating, and when received I won't release, it's so healing. Caged inside I hide myself from all life. I've tried crying one thousand times and I don't want to be alone again. I want to know myself; I want to be your love. I think I'd die without that feeling once again. I'd quit this all to have that feeling never end. Years have gone by but I'm the same. Will I ever make anything of my life? Or will I always be the same? And when will I admit I'm wrong? I always think I can hide behind my stubborness, but I know that won't last long. What am I trying to prove? It doesn't really matter in the end, cause I will be the loser that will always remain.